Today, I can’t help feeling somewhat anxious about the future, I couldn’t find another word for anxiety. The future seems bleak, scary at times. Somehow, everything seems a little overwhelming for me at this stage, and I’m falling back to my old habits. It’s a snowball effect you just can’t seem to stop. Yes, I do feel helpless at times.

Alot of things are going on in my mind right now, and I couldn’t really keep up with my own thoughts. I see the symptoms. Bear with me while I clear my thoughts and settle down, again.

The secret lair behind my wardrobe. Equipped with 50″ LCD TV.

The Evil Plan: Sometimes, when I find it hard to sleep at night, I would visit my secret imaginary lair hidden at the back of my huge wardrobe, coming up with dubious plans to take control of the world entire galaxy. I’d write my secret imaginary messages in secret imaginary codes to my secret imaginary friends evil-counterparts in Amsterdam, who in turn would send a secret imaginary document to the founder of Microsoft (his name will be kept secret to safeguard his identity).

When I’m coding Ruby.

When I’m googling “evil diabolical plans”

Evil Pet Genius: Sometimes, when I run out of paper to write my secret imaginary messages (or when I’m too uninspired to write), I would talk to my evil pet genius - let’s call him Tofu - who would pass off sarcastic comments like that evil doggy thingy in the comic strip Dilbert. So anyways, about being an evil genius.

Most Important Secret Weapon: The Electric Blender.

Disposing Messages Quickly: When writing secret imaginary messages, you need a sure-fire way to dispose off your messages quickly. It’s always better to get your mom’s electric blenders because shredders - like the name suggests - simply shreds your messages into jigsaw-puzzle like strips which can be put together. On the other hand, I’ve never been able to put together the onions that went into that electric blender. Do ask for permission before you decide to kidnap her that blender for good. It’s only nice to do so. 

Disposing Intruders/Spies/Annoying People Quickly: I recommend Ninjas (Level 2 and up), but Jedi Knights do a good job too. Avoid security guards, most of the time, they’re just your less-than-average carpark wardens. Additionally, you may want to invest in a Special-Imaginary-Automatic-Laser (SIAL) Thingamajig that will help to slice the enemies effectively, but only if you had the extra cash to splurge on it.

Emergency Exit Plan: When cornered and pressured to expose your diabolical secret imaginary plans, fret not, Pepper sprays with a little bit of Tabasco sauce is an easy way to get rid of the perps. If in doubt, or if you do not have access to pepper spray, refer to Plan B.

Emergency Exit Plan (Plan B): There is no Plan B. Good luck.

Getting About With The Plan: Now that we have successfully mastered the basics of Evil Geniusness (not to be confused with the beer Guinness), it’s time to finally start taking over the world. We’ll start with answering an online quiz on How much of an Evil Genius are you. A true evil genius will score 86% and above. Failing which, you will have to retake the quiz again.

And Then The Real Taking Over Part Begins: Buy my eBook on How To Be An Evil Genius and learn how all the evil genius does it. Also learn how to avoid starting a war with Bush, how not to make a bomb, and 1001 ways to preparing Chickpeas. Selling at a discounted rate of $59.99. We accept PayPal. Order today.

1. Pick up a good novel at the library to read Check!
2. Be in bed by 11pm - Revised to 12am
3. Hit the gym - 3 times a week - Revised to once a week
4. Cut down on the cigarettes and the junk food - Revised to impossible
5. Finish all my projects - no more till august baybeh - Revised to year 2020
6. Slow down - Revised to 90km/h
8. Leave home 2 hours earlier so I can take a stroll to school - Let’s just focus on being punctual
9. Figure out where point number 7 went (hahaha…) - My dog cat ate it! Really!

Not bad eh? I scored 1/8 points!

Psst.. it’s cheaper on ebay!

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I’m not around,
when I’m much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I’d stayed
’Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired
I’m missing you again oh no
Once again

There’s nothing here for me on this barren road
There’s no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can’t help but think of the times I’ve had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I’m not around,
when I’m much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I’d stayed
’Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired
I’m missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
when hope begins to fade…

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I’m not around,
when I’m much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I’d stayed
’Cause I’m lonely and I’m tired
I’m missing you again oh no
Once again

We had “meetings” every Saturday, but I guess we all just needed a good enough reason to hang out and hanging out alone wasn’t exactly a good excuse. We’d roam the whole of Orchard Road as a group, usually ending up at that food outlet at Far East Plaza (I think it was Ros Garden, can’t remember the name). We’d have fights over money - we still do by the way - but we all managed, somehow.

We had our share of fights and issues - and before I know it, the people whom I grew fond of are moving on. Hiphop was just another transition of their lives, and soon enough, mine as well. While we were able to share so much with each other before, we can barely speak proper sentences today.

I miss the times I was so new to the scene, I look up to everyone (I still do), everyone who got a slot wanted to get the whole family on stage. Everyone had their own way of doing things - be it rap, fashion or whatever. We don’t critic each other’s songs - we share our ideas. We write about anything we want but there’ll always be the usual chants - One Voice One Mic Da Fam We Stay Unite (pardon the bad grammar). Everyone of us in every single song.

I miss the times me and big bro spent a lot of time at Fricco’s studio, Farm Records. We’d start off with 2 people, and by the end of the day, alot of people would have gathered at his place for one reason or another. We didn’t have our own recording equipments back then.

Ahh. The good old days.

Who are we kidding? I see new rappers who go on stage to show off. When I started rapping, all I wanted to do was jump around the stage, express myself, earn a couple of bucks while I’m at it, and enjoy it while it lasts. Then I see rappers who, after a few performances, think they’re so good they should have an understudy. They think they can critic other rappers just because. (Oh yeah, I do rap workshops - but thats a different story altogether)

Everyone wants to perform. Everyone critisized Imran and Beats Society but we don’t see anyone stepping up to do anything about it. Let’s put the “Hiphop Organisations” aside, and ask ourselves how many of the performers are actually doing anything to help. Even when we do our own events, we see the girlfriends faithfully waiting at the door - while the rappers take turns to perform on stage. The worst habit of Singapore Hiphop? Let the performers sell the tickets. So what if we have a loyal audience or we have good acts - if the tickets don’t sell by themselves then you really need a better marketing technique. Forget hustling tickets, it’ll just catch up on you in the long run.

I’m not calling for another blog war (enough already). But hey, I think I’ve been in the scene as a performer and organiser and I still am - so I have a good enough reason to make these assumptions. And if you don’t agree with me, fuck off.